If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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