Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
