found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
