It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
