booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
