Umm I'm too high to move.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
