fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
