I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
