Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
