in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
