i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
