I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
