dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Someone shit on the floor
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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