This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
