So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
