so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
