Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
