I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
