return my video game
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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