hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What a dumb baby whore.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
