I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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