I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We left the knife in your bed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
