Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
false alarm, still single
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
