I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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