I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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