Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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