I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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