She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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