Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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