No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
