Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
