I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
