last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
