if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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