Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
