found the other keg... it's in the tree
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
