Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
