I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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