I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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