My friends, they love my intelligence
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
