you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
