im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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