You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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