now i know why i became what i already was.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it's like heaven, but drunker
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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