Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
