I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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