You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
