The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
