I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
