when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
