She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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