But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
