Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
