Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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