look no pants
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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