how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is Oprah even human
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
