You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If I die, sorry about rent.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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