Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
