I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
