KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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