How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
3 2 1 whiskey
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
