We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she peed on how many people?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
