I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
