Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
