So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Randomize
