hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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