If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
