Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
