what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sarcasm needs its own font
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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