Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
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Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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