never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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