when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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