Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
