I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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