One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
being pregnant is like rehab
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
