You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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