I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
