Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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