i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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