She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
