I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
