i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
