Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
