Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
