So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
