no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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