ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
